So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
