Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
