I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
