I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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