All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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