69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
