wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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