im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
