24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
