Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
