he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
