Slut skills are useful in every country.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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