dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
