How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
