we made out on top of his cat.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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