I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
