What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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