So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
