dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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