I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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