i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
