We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
