garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
