He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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