I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
