can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
