i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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