I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
