i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
