Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
