Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
