I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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