Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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