i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
