FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
