Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
