Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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