So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
