walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
