i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
