The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
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Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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