Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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