why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
