I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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