i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
