So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
