I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
