I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He shit in the fireplace
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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