She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
