i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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