u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
