Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
