69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
