Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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