turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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