I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
