i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
