Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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