toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
