It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
