My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
