Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Bring me that man meat
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