her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
