I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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