We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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