I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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