id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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