wrigley field is MILF paradise
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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