I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
