the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My balls are so social today.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
