I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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