I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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