She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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