it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
