I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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