His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are a genius and a whore.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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