if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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