This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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