Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
