Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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