There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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