I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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