He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
