its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I understand Curling. That high.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
