Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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