i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
